He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
