So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
