38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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