I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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