It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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