And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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