im about as happy as oj after his trial
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
