i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My balls are so social today.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
