I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
