my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
