Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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