This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
