just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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