Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
