Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
