Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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