i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
