Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
