oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
