Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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