My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
