I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
