Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
