I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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