I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
