What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
