Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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