i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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