Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
