She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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