I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
