remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
