So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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