In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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