i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
