See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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