Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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