I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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