with your own penis?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
