i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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