i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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