well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
