The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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