so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
