In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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