My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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