We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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