No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
