I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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