i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
