Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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