I must be too annoying 4 u.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
