Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
