Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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