you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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