all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
